Secret Agent

“Every problem has a gift for you in its hands.”  ~ Richard Bach

I have a friend who’s moving to Boston. It’s her first major move since she got married and had her two children. This has precipitated reflective conversations between us. We’ve talked about change and the season of chaos it can bring to one’s life, the scariness about not knowing what lies ahead, and the new possibilities – the “gift” as Richard Bach says – that will be coming to her and her family.

The agent of change in my friend’s circumstance is her husband’s new job, and it was their choice to make the change. Sometimes though, this is not the case when change comes to you.

Conflict is an agent of change. You may not have thought of it in that way, and it’s certainly not one you would choose.

Consider this though: conflict shakes up our status quo, takes us down unknown paths, and forces us to make decisions about living differently as we navigate them.

As it is with my friend’s move, along with the chaos and scariness, conflict brings new possibilities – for understanding, respect, and connection.

When you think about a conflict that you are experiencing, try looking at it from this perspective – that it is meant to have an active role in producing something new in your life.

Ask yourself two questions:

     What change is this conflict setting before me now?

     What is the “gift” in its hands that is there for me to discover?

You just might be surprised at what happens.

Dr.K 
If you'd like to know more about how to discover the gifts in conflict, contact me at confidentconflict.com for a complimentary conversation!  
"12 Ways to Rule in Conflict" Free Download
 
 

Holding the Line (The Good Fight)

A verse in the Bible talks about “the good fight of faith.” There's depth to this phrase in these carefully chosen words.

Keeping the faith is a fight. The minute we determine we’re going to have faith about something, obstacles start to pop up everywhere, and all manner of hindrances seem to appear – shaking our conviction. We quickly learn it won’t be an easy task.

 

I like that the phrase says its’ a good fight – one that is worthy of our efforts. Maintaining our faith is right, valuable, and honorable.

When “faith” is preceded by these adjectives, it becomes a dynamic word, infused with boldness and passion.

We don’t typically connect the good fight of faith with conflict – especially if we tend to avoid it.

Wanting to change the status quo of your conflict conversations, or address patterns in your relationships that don’t work any more, can cause you to anticipate some level of conflict. Faith is what gets you over the hurdle.

Ending something you don’t want, in order to bring about something you do want, takes faith – faith that what you want is worthwhile; faith that you can build something different.

The well-known peacebuilder, John Paul Lederach, offers this thought:

“Conflict also creates life: through conflict we respond, innovate and change. Conflict can be the motor of change which keeps relationships . . . dynamically responsive to human needs. . .”

It’s not very natural to think of conflict as an agent of the changes we desire; yet, Lederach suggests precisely that.

Consider this today. See yourself interacting with others in your relationships in ways that are attainable, and hold on to your faith. The difficult discussions that result from your choice to make a change are evidence that you are, in fact, bringing it about.

Fight the good fight of faith.

DrK

If you'd like to know more about how to have faith in conflict, contact me at confidentconflict.com for a complimentary conversation! "12 Ways to Rule in Conflict" Free Download