It Only Takes One

It's October, a month that always signifies change to me as we begin to move toward Winter. Although the change at this time of year connects us with the world’s going to sleep, I feel the evolution dynamic Alexandra Elle expresses in her poem here:

evolution

feel. heal. grow.

that alone is

an act of rebellion.

explore. love. change.

that alone can lead to triumph.

The triumph of change is also a dynamic I associate with the power each one of us has to alter negative interactions in conflict.

It only takes one person doing something differently to influence a shift in the course of the conversation. You have significant power to impact what’s happening in those difficult moments simply by changing your own behaviors.

When you choose to change yourself – to change what you do – you change the whole paradigm from which you and those in your conflict are operating.

To put it simply:  change you, change the conflict.

Today I’m encouraging you to explore this idea and be rebellious. Be aware of the typical ways you respond to others when the going gets tough – and do something different!

Zig when you usually zag. Don’t take the bait when they push your buttons. Say how you‘re honestly feeling instead of shutting down. Change directions.

 . . and let even the smallest change lead you to triumph.

 DrK

  
If you'd like to know more about changing your conflict behaviors, contact me at confidentconflict.com for a complimentary conversation!  

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Conflict and Transformation (Do I Really Have To Change?)

Change is something that is always linked with conflict.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, one way these two things are related is in how conflict invariably results from a change in circumstances.

There is also another kind of change that is coupled with conflict, the change that happens to us personally as a result of experiencing the event.

We are all changed by conflict -- we can't escape it. It brings us the opportunity to either grow and become better people, or to become further entrenched in our destructive behaviors.

In studying conflict, I have learned that personal transformation is actually one of the most effective means of becoming more skillful at handling relational difficulties. When you change the way you participate, you change the conversation.

Improving your own perspectives and having personal strategies to put into action insure you are in a position to do conflict well. You become more adept by changing yourself instead of only knowing behavioral formulas. You are able to maneuver in all kinds of situations.

Most people don't really want to hear that the best thing they can do to be better at conflict is to change themselves. This is understandable, transformation work is definitely more challenging than following a list.

But if you truly would like to become a Jedi in handling your conflict moments, opening your heart and mind to new perspectives and new skills -- being a different you -- will bring changes that will last. Changes that will move you toward mastery.

DrK