Ready for Game Day!

I’ve been watching a lot of football these past weeks – college playoffs and championships, NFL conference playoffs, the run for the Super Bowl next month – a lot of football!

 

It’s been great fun seeing the games, but being the psychologist that I am, I’ve been enthralled with all the plays, strategies, and coaching decisions that have been part of the action.

 

I was reminded that it’s not just a bunch of guys playing a game for fun – something’s at stake. Coaches and athletes don’t leave the outcome to chance. They have a playbook. They show up on game day with a strategic plan.

 

Dave Adamson-Unsplash

We don’t typically think about having a plan when we’re on the playing fields of our relationships. 

 

We start speaking without thinking; we bring up hot topics when were emotional, and our motivation is to be heard rather than to listen.

 

When we want something to change, we criticize rather than calmly express our true desires.

 

We find ourselves losing yardage in the conversation, and what’s at stake – the health of our relationship – is in jeopardy.

 

It doesn’t take long for relational patterns to develop. You’ve already learned quite a bit about how conversations go with your significant people.

 

So, why not have a playbook of your own?

 

When things are getting heated and you need some space to consider what you should do, call a time out.

 

When your plays for total resolution (your touchdown) become unrealistic, simply think of the next best step for you both to take. (Kick that field goal.)

 

When the other person isn’t behaving in ways you expected, give yourself permission to call an audible – to change your approach (maybe your mind) to something different.

 

(As I said, ‘been watching a lot of football.)

 

Difficult conversations will always happen with people in your life (we’re human beings, right?), but it certainly is possible for you to walk away from them holding the game ball!

 

Cheers to you – making a plan to feel like a winner!

DrKay 

If you'd like to discover more about how to build our playbook, contact me at stormbreakerconflictcoaching.com and let's talk!  

"12 Ways to Rule in Conflict" Free Ebook Download  

 

Train That Dragon!

You may have heard it said, “If you want a change, make a change.” It’s a smart mantra, but when we try to apply that to an anxiety-producing environment, the idea can be pretty daunting.

Difficult face-to-face conversations sometimes fall into that category. It’s usually because we‘re anticipating conflict and we’re afraid we won’t know how to handle it. This is a fairly common view and why so many of us avoid those dialogues. 

Since the event involves another person (and they’re a wild card), we mistakenly think we can’t affect how the interaction will go and we don’t always see the power we have on our side.

The truth is, you have what it takes to handle the circumstances – you just need a chance to figure that out.

You’d be surprised at how much you already know – about yourself, and about them:

Your buttons they regularly push (because they’ve learned which ones work)

The poor communication habits that already exist between you (like interrupting each other)

Historical patterns of behavior (they don’t seem to listen to you)

Take a quiet moment; think about the information you have, and choose just one thing you can do differently – something that you know would be good to do with that particular person.

For example,

Decide you’re going to count to 10 when your buttons are pushed (and dodge that bullet).

Take a deep breath and slow down when you’re tempted to interrupt (or maybe when they’ve just interrupted you). 

Make it a point to actively listen to their needs first (it will calm them down so you can talk).

It’s remarkable how giving a little forethought to the situation can be transforming.

Then, tackle that conversation, believing things will be different, and they will be – because you are.

Cheers to you – discovering the power within!

DrKay 

If you'd like to discover more about how to train your dragon, contact me at stormbreakerconflictcoaching.com for a complimentary conversation!  

"12 Ways to Rule in Conflict" Free Ebook Download