Hurricanes and Junk Food

We just went through Hurricane Irma here in Florida. We did all the prep work, endured the storm, and are in the process of recovery.

In comparing notes with my fellow Floridians, one thing we all seem to agree on is that when you go through a hurricane, you eat a lot of junk food – candy, snacks, soda, chips, Twinkies -- you name it.

I don’t know what it is about being cooped up in a storm that brings out the Junk Food Tiger in us, but it does, and when you let the tiger out, that’s the end of your disciplined, sensible eating.

Even if you don’t normally eat much of that stuff, you give yourself permission to when you’re doing your hurricane prep. You think, “Oh boy, a hurricane, I can buy junk food!”

For some reason, there’s a similar dynamic that gets activated when we’re in the midst of conflict. Under normal circumstances in our relationships, we would never think of saying vindictive words to one another. We wouldn’t automatically think the worst of someone we love. We would be caring toward them and be disciplined in our words.

And yet, when disagreements happen and things get heated, we start to feel the stirring of the Conflict Tiger within us. We may stay on top of things for awhile, but then we get frustrated, or the other person hurts us, and we give ourselves permission to let the tiger out. We lose control and become very hurtful people. We justify our behaviors because we are in the midst of a storm.

We Floridians can’t always calculate the harm that eating all the hurricane junk food does to us, but there is no question about the destruction that comes from losing control in conflict.

The truth is, you don’t have to succumb. When you feel yourself starting to allow your behavior to deteriorate, stop the conversation. Take a break. Find a way to gently tell the other person that perhaps you need to think about what’s been said so far and agree to rejoin them later.

Just like we hurricane people still have power over our food choices (the weather does not make us do it), you have power over your own behavioral choices. Don’t use the conflict hurricane as an excuse to wound others.

You are stronger than the storm.

 DrK

If you'd like to know more about taming your conflict tiger, contact me at confidentconflict.com for a complimentary conversation!  

"12 Ways to Rule in Conflict" Free Download

 
 

Understanding Your Capacity

There’s an old Mariah Carey song called “Hero” that makes the declaration a hero lies in each of us – one that is strong, and enables us not to be afraid of what we are.

As we live our lives, we all too often forget we are the Hero of our own story. We have many days when we feel like circumstances are carrying us along like white water rapids, and surviving is all we’re trying to do.

That is frequently how we view conflict too. We think, “I'll just get through it and pick up the pieces later.” Interpersonal dynamics are overwhelming, and we become more fearful than confident. Being a hero is the farthest thing from our mind.

The truth is, you do have hero power in conflict. You have choices that belong to you. You have influence on the direction the conversation’s going. You have a stake in the outcomes. You have the capacity to bravely stand for what you want and courageously show compassion to others.

Being a hero means being fully in charge of your own life, and using your ‘power’ for good. Two actions that are entirely possible in conflict, especially when you take the time to become skillful at them.

Answers to the conflicts of your life – and how you want to handle them – are inside your soul. Trust what is already there.

Stand tall. . . Go ahead – be the Hero!

DrK 

(A few of the lyrics)

There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

If you'd like to know more about being your own hero in conflict, contact me at confidentconflict.com for a complimentary conversation!  

"12 Ways to Rule in Conflict" Free Download