Where Are You?

If one is out of touch with oneself, then one cannot touch others.

~Anne Morrow Lindbergh

This principle that Anne Lindbergh sums up is one that social scientists, scholars, and spiritual teachers have studied and written about for centuries. It is applicable in all human relations.

As we engage with one another, this is the order of things: knowing and being oneself first, then responding to others out of that understanding in meaningful and productive ways.

One reason we have such a difficult time when conflict happens is because we immediately begin to lose touch with ourselves. Our intentions become lost in our efforts to regain control of the conversation, and we start to deny our own perspectives or interests.

Holding on to yourself in those turbulent moments is quite a challenge!

Regaining your own thoughts is the first order of business in those situations. It will impact how you keep the circumstances from getting out of control, and will prevent you from losing your way in a complicated conversation.

When you feel yourself starting to go adrift, check in with yourself:

Are we still talking about the topic I brought up?

Am I still pursuing the goal I had in mind?

Am I still making choices here?

Then, go ahead and redirect the conversation as you feel necessary.

When you purpose to do this, you will be in a much better position to navigate what lies ahead.

DrK 

If you'd like to know more about being yourself in conflict, contact me at confidentconflict.com for a complimentary conversation!  

"12 Ways to Rule in Conflict" Free Download 

It Only Takes One

It's October, a month that always signifies change to me as we begin to move toward Winter. Although the change at this time of year connects us with the world’s going to sleep, I feel the evolution dynamic Alexandra Elle expresses in her poem here:

evolution

feel. heal. grow.

that alone is

an act of rebellion.

explore. love. change.

that alone can lead to triumph.

The triumph of change is also a dynamic I associate with the power each one of us has to alter negative interactions in conflict.

It only takes one person doing something differently to influence a shift in the course of the conversation. You have significant power to impact what’s happening in those difficult moments simply by changing your own behaviors.

When you choose to change yourself – to change what you do – you change the whole paradigm from which you and those in your conflict are operating.

To put it simply:  change you, change the conflict.

Today I’m encouraging you to explore this idea and be rebellious. Be aware of the typical ways you respond to others when the going gets tough – and do something different!

Zig when you usually zag. Don’t take the bait when they push your buttons. Say how you‘re honestly feeling instead of shutting down. Change directions.

 . . and let even the smallest change lead you to triumph.

 DrK

  
If you'd like to know more about changing your conflict behaviors, contact me at confidentconflict.com for a complimentary conversation!  

"12 Ways to Rule in Conflict" Free Download