Conflict and Thanksgiving (Something For Your Gratitude List)

November ushers in the Season of Thanksgiving, and this week, many families and friends will gather together to celebrate that season. Hopefully, there will be moments of reflection on Thursday, and time to consider being blessed.

A sense of gratitude is not something we ordinarily associate with conflict though – that’s not quite the emotion we go to when we’re having trouble in a relationship.

So today I’d like to offer you the perspective that even with conflict, you can be grateful.

 

One of the most detrimental things to a relationship is indifference – simply not caring about it – feeling lukewarm about what goes on, being uninvolved or apathetic.

People in conflict are not indifferent. In actuality, they care about something very much. They care about an outcome; they care about the impact you have on their life; they may care about what you think of them.

If someone is engaging in conflict with you, it’s because something is getting stirred up in them (and probably in you!). Something matters, and chances are, they’re trying to get that across to you because they want you to understand them.

 

As you think about the people in your life this week for whom you are thankful, be thankful too for the ways they drive you crazy and lock horns with you every so often. Be thankful they are not indifferent to you or to your relationship. Be thankful they want to find ways to keep you in their life, and that they want you to understand them.

Regardless of what it feels like when you’re having trouble with them, be thankful that it’s all happening because you matter.

DrK

If you'd like to know more about feeling thankful in conflict, contact me at confidentconflict.com for a complimentary conversation!

"12 Ways to Rule in Conflict" Free Download

 

 

Veteran's Day 2016

Today is my mother’s 94th birthday -- I can hardly believe I’m typing that number! She is also a veteran, having served in World War 2, as a nurse in the Women’s Army Corps. Her story is archived at the Women In Military Service For America Memorial located at the gateway to Arlington Cemetery, where my father is buried. He served in the Army for 29 years. My family is among the millions who are remembering Veterans today – both living and dead. We mourn their loss and rejoice in the presence of those who are still with us. For all of them though, we feel nothing but gratitude for their service. Regardless of any election results angst happening this week, we remain a blessed nation. Today we honor sacrifices made and lives continuing to be given for the freedoms we possess. Let us stand today in the sacredness of their gifts. Dr.K

Conflict and Effort (Consider Your Choice)

Much of the time, when we find ourselves in a relational conflict, we want to find the easy way out.

Does that sound familiar?

Maybe when it’s you, it’s not very appealing to spend that kind of time or energy on resolving the issues. Making an effort to work things out might feel like too much work.

What you need to realize though  is that conflict itself takes effort, and that you are spending time and energy by not resolving the issues.

 

It takes effort to stay angry with someone, or to stubbornly hold on to your position against their resistance. You are spending time and energy being upset about the situation and rehearsing every anticipated conversation about it (maybe even losing sleep from time to time).

So its not really a question of making an effort, but of making the kind of effort that will bring good results.

Of course, that kind of effort requires more of you, doesn’t it? It holds more risk, less safety. You could reach out to the other person and they could possibly hurt you in return.

But think how it would be if your efforts bore fruit – if you found a way to repair something broken, to make peace in the relationship after all? What relief might that bring?

The next time things get rocky and you don’t feel like making the effort to smooth them out, consider the choice you have in how you want to use your energies. Be open to pushing forward, and make that effort toward something good.

DrK

If you'd like to know more about making an effort in conflict, contact me at
confidentconflict.com for a complimentary conversation!

"12 Ways to Rule in Conflict" Free Download