We just
went through Hurricane Irma here in Florida. We did all the prep work, endured
the storm, and are in the process of recovery.
In
comparing notes with my fellow Floridians, one thing we all seem to agree on is
that when you go through a hurricane, you eat a lot of junk food – candy,
snacks, soda, chips, Twinkies -- you name it.
I don’t
know what it is about being cooped up in a storm that brings out the Junk Food Tiger in us, but it does, and when you let the tiger out, that’s the end of
your disciplined, sensible eating.
Even if you
don’t normally eat much of that stuff, you give yourself permission to when
you’re doing your hurricane prep. You think, “Oh boy, a hurricane, I can buy
junk food!”
For some
reason, there’s a similar dynamic that gets activated when we’re in the midst
of conflict. Under normal circumstances in our relationships, we would never
think of saying vindictive words to one another. We wouldn’t automatically
think the worst of someone we love. We would be caring toward them and be
disciplined in our words.
And yet,
when disagreements happen and things get heated, we start to feel the stirring
of the Conflict Tiger within us. We may stay on top of things for awhile, but
then we get frustrated, or the other person hurts us, and we give ourselves
permission to let the tiger out. We lose control and become very hurtful
people. We justify our behaviors because we are in the midst of a storm.
We
Floridians can’t always calculate the harm that eating all the hurricane junk
food does to us, but there is no question about the destruction that comes from
losing control in conflict.
The truth
is, you don’t have to succumb. When you feel yourself starting to allow your
behavior to deteriorate, stop the conversation. Take a break. Find a way to gently tell the other person that
perhaps you need to think about what’s been said so far and agree to rejoin
them later.
Just like
we hurricane people still have power over our food choices (the weather does
not make us do it), you have power over your own behavioral choices. Don’t use
the conflict hurricane as an excuse to wound others.
You are
stronger than the storm.
DrK
If you'd like to know more about taming your conflict tiger, contact me at confidentconflict.com for a complimentary conversation!
If you'd like to know more about taming your conflict tiger, contact me at confidentconflict.com for a complimentary conversation!
"12 Ways to Rule in Conflict" Free Download
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