To Talk or Not to Talk -- That Is The Question

 

So . . . you have an exchange with someone and you walk away feeling offended, hurt, or disrespected.  “What do I do now?” you wonder. “”Do I speak up about what just happened, or do I let it go and move on?

Much of the time, we elect not to discuss the dynamics. We come up with good reasons not to address the situation, and we determine it’s best if we just bottle up how we feel.

The mistake in that is thinking that bottling something up is resolution. 

As you continue to absorb your feelings, you’ll get to point when overflow will happen despite your best efforts. It’s like the full toothpaste tube with the cap on it. As long as the tube is just sitting on your bathroom counter, it’s in good shape, but if you pick it up and start squeezing it, that toothpaste is going to leak out somehow.

Your behavior toward the other person will change. It might be that eventually you start to snap at that person, or warmth will leave your demeanor when they’re around.  You may decline to be with them when invited.

Don’t be fooled – you haven’t accomplished anything. You’ve only traded one difficult situation for another.

Of course, making the decision whether or not to talk with the other person about the incident is yours to make. However, you must realize the decision cannot be one of taking no action at all.  You still have to do something about the offense and those feelings, even if it’s on your own.

You could possibly: forgive them and let go of their indebtedness to you; extend mercy to them for being so imperfect; understand what they might be going through and have compassion for them.

You did experience something and those feelings are not going to magically disappear. Bottling them up, stuffing them down, or absorbing them somehow, are insufficient solutions. You have to actively attend to them.

Acknowledge the reality. Honestly look at your own hurt or offense. Choose your action, and follow through.

You will find yourself in a much better place.

Dr.K

If you'd like to know more about how to take action, contact me at confidentconflict.com for a complimentary conversation!  
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