Conflict & The Rearview Mirror

One afternoon, I was driving down the left lane of the interstate and a big black truck came zooming up behind me. I knew he wanted me to move over to the right, but another car was quickly coming up that lane too. I felt hemmed in.

The truck was bearing down on me and I kept trying to signal him to give me some space. Finally, the right lane cleared and I could move over.

After the truck whizzed past me, I realized I’d driven the last mile or two looking in my rearview mirror. I’d barely glanced at the traffic ahead of me.

I thought of how dangerous that had been. I was distracted from focusing on the most important task driving at that speed: watching what was happening in front of me. I’d given the truck driver power to maneuver me into a position that wasn’t safe for me, or for the others on the road. 

 

photo by Pranam Gurung     

This is something that can happen in conflict too. When emotions run high, we can begin to feel pressure from the other person to behave a certain way. Their urgency begins to dictate our actions. 

Our focus shifts to what they’re doing when it should be on our intentions for the conversation, making our own choices. The distraction often leads to outcomes that are detrimental to us.

Can you recall when this may have happened to you? (I know I can!).  

The next time you’re in a difficult conversation, be mindful of this dynamic. Focus your attention on where you want to go, not on where you’re allowing the other person to take you.

Remember your desires are important and stick with actions that demonstrate safe compassionate concern – for you and for them.

Cheers to you – keeping your eyes on the road ahead!

DrK

If you'd like to know more about staying focused in conflict, contact me at stormbreakerconflictcoaching.com for a complimentary conversation!  

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