Who Do You Think I Am?

Last week, the storyline of a sitcom I like was about the lead couple’s adult daughter getting married.

As is often the case with wedding planning, there was drama around the details. At one point the Mother said, “But ever since you were a little girl you’ve wanted a big church wedding.” (The daughter was opting for a small family-only affair.)

The dialogue illustrated a familiar thread when there’s history in a relationship: what often shapes our expectations of someone in the present is our remembrances of them from the past.

This young bride-to-be had lived more of her life from her little-girl days. She had changed and so had her present-day desires. Her mother’s perspective was keeping her locked in the past, creating a barrier to the mother’s hearing what she was trying to express.

You may have experienced this when trying to communicate with someone as the person you are now, but they continue relating to you according to your past behaviors (weddings and families frequently bring this situation to life).

If we’re honest with ourselves though, we’d admit we do exactly the same thing with other people.

The next time you run into a communication roadblock, consider this dynamic. Perhaps you’re not allowing yourself to accept how the other person has changed. Be open to seeing them in a different light and to reinterpreting their behaviors.

This might be a scary prospect for you. Perhaps letting go of your outdated perspective will make you feel too insecure, or acknowledging you’re operating under old assumptions might mean you have to admit you’ve been wrong (and who wants to do that?).

While you may feel there’s something to lose in making this shift, understand there’s more to be gained: a deeper connection that is newly rooted in truth and authenticity.

Cheers to you -- bringing your relationships into the here and now!

DrK
If you'd like to discover more about how to manage wedding and family conflict, contact me at stormbreakerconflictcoaching.com for a complimentary conversation!  

"12 Ways to Rule in Conflict" Free Ebook Download