You may have heard it
said, “If you want a change, make a change.” It’s a smart mantra, but when we
try to apply that to an anxiety-producing environment, the idea can be pretty
daunting.
Difficult face-to-face
conversations sometimes fall into that category. It’s usually because we‘re anticipating
conflict and we’re afraid we won’t know how to handle it. This is a fairly
common view and why so many of us avoid those dialogues.
Since the event involves
another person (and they’re a wild card), we mistakenly think we can’t affect
how the interaction will go and we don’t always see the power we have on our
side.
The truth is, you
have what it takes to handle the circumstances – you just need a chance to
figure that out.
You’d be surprised at
how much you already know – about yourself, and about them:
Your buttons they
regularly push (because they’ve learned which ones work)
The poor
communication habits that already exist between you (like interrupting each
other)
Historical patterns
of behavior (they don’t seem to listen to you)
Take a quiet moment; think
about the information you have, and choose just one thing you can do
differently – something that you know would be good to do with that particular person.
For example,
Decide you’re going
to count to 10 when your buttons are pushed (and dodge that bullet).
Take a deep breath
and slow down when you’re tempted to interrupt (or maybe when they’ve just
interrupted you).
Make it a point to
actively listen to their needs first (it will calm them down so you can talk).
It’s remarkable how
giving a little forethought to the situation can be transforming.
Then, tackle that
conversation, believing things will be different, and they will be – because you are.
DrKay
If you'd like to discover more about how to train your dragon, contact me at stormbreakerconflictcoaching.com for a complimentary conversation!
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