Conflict and Participation (It Takes Two)

When I tell people I’m a conflict coach, sometimes their response is, “I know someone who definitely needs your coaching!” They then go on to describe the conflict that person causes for them; as if it is something the other person creates all on their own.

I have found this to be a common perspective. Much of the time, we do view other people in our lives as the ones being difficult, and we believe the liability for the conflict lies with them. We see the conflict as something that happens outside of ourselves. 

We become blinded to the fact that we are complicit in the conflict evolution. It always takes two to have an interpersonal conflict.

Now, you might be reading this and thinking, “Not with me – I don’t say anything when things start to deteriorate; I don’t do anything either. It’s all them!”

What you’re missing though, is that you are still participating in the breakdown of the communication when you exhibit that behavior. Doing or saying nothing is just that – nothing. That is not useful communication, and it does contribute to the conflict.

The truth is, you are making choices throughout the exchange, choices about whether to engage positively or not. The choice to say or do nothing only communicates your intent to avoid the tough conversation or dismiss the other person’s petitions.

 

Don’t be mistaken – you are participating in the conflict when you do that.

So let this realization move you to honestly consider the role you play, and value your relationships enough to make a change.

DrK

If you'd like to know more about how to change the way you participate in conflict, contact me at confidentconflict.com for a complimentary conversation!

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