Proceed With Caution

Even though it may be a natural tendency to avoid conflict, one of the times we might still wade into it is when we're angry. We start making assumptions about the other person (who cares if they’re true) and lose our perspective about the situation. That’s when we say things we regret later, or perhaps feel very foolish about how we’ve behaved.

A big mistake we make in those moments is skipping the step of confirming or disproving our assumptions. The smart thing to do is slow down and proceed with caution.

This past week, I had a couple of conversations that got off track. The events began similarly, but had different outcomes, because I made this mistake in one of them.  

In the first one, when the person said something to me that got me a little ruffled, I did slow down. I took the time to ask him just exactly what he was trying to say. His intended meaning wasn’t at all how I took it, so I relaxed (whew, dodged that bullet).

The second incident did not go as well. My emotions got the better of me. I did not slow down. I did not patiently wait to discover the meaning of other person’s behavior. In fact, I just blurted out what was on my mind. When she explained what was happening with her, I learned I was totally wrong in my assumptions (sigh). I had a lot of apologizing to do.

I can’t emphasize enough the wisdom of proceeding with caution as soon as you become aware of friction. Not only will you head off unnecessary difficulties, but you will be in the best position to continue the conversation with clarity.

DrK

If you'd like to know more about how to slow down in conflict, contact me at confidentconflict.com for a complimentary conversation!  
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