A Place To Begin

Last week I talked about allowing yourself some space to consider your desires for a conflict situation and discover your ideas about its dynamics. This post is about taking action with that information.

Another thing that can keeps us paralyzed with inaction is becoming overwhelmed with what our situation encompasses – what is affecting us, affecting them, our relationship, the issues – it feels like too much to deal with.

And you know what? It is!  (Well, at least, all at once.)

A common trap you might fall into with sorting this out is thinking you need to tackle the whole thing in a single swoop. Conflict resolution professionals know a secret: that’s not how you approach an ongoing conflict. Your goal is to make small shifts in the direction of the conversation – from negative to positive – and work on only one piece of the puzzle at a time.

If you did the Magic Wand exercise, you now have a lot of data. Choose one item from the answers to the questions you asked yourself and think of how you could change that one thing.

For example, you might have discovered you haven’t actually allowed the other person to tell you how they truly feel. Perhaps you interrupt them, or dismiss the feelings they try to convey to you.

Decide this is the part you want to work on. Determine the next time that happens you will be aware of what you’re doing and discipline yourself to let them speak. Then verbally acknowledge how they’re feeling.

Now, this might seem like too small a paddle for your boat in the big ocean of conflict, but you’ll be surprised at the impact one change can make.

In the emotional flood of the prospect of changing a conflict conversation, all you really need to do is identify is a place to begin.

One place. One step. One impact. 

It will make a difference.
DrK

If you'd like to know more about identifying actions to take, contact me at confidentconflict.com for a complimentary conversation!  
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