The Fear of Being You

Frequently, when we avoid conflict, our fears play a major role in dictating our behaviors.  We might be afraid the other person will hurt us, afraid that what we want to happen won’t happen, afraid of the seemingly out of control chaos that conflict brings.

One of the earliest fears we may encounter is the fear that if we say what we want to say in a conversation it will start a conflict. This fear is not just about conflict, it goes deeper. It’s a fear about being ourselves and the impact that has on others.

This situation presents a crossroad to you  – if you go one way, a conflict may begin. If you go another way, you might feel regret, or a loss of freedom.

Try to remember it’s not necessarily an all-or-nothing decision. You are in charge of what you say, and for how long.

You can take it a step at a time. You can calmly speak up and say what you’re thinking. You might find it goes well, and continue the conversation. If things start to get heated, you’ll know additional emotional dynamics have entered the picture and you can pull back at any time.

Afterwards, you can review how it went, make some observations, and maybe go a little further in the future.

Certainly there are times when it is wise to watch and wait if we’re sensing a conflict brewing. However, if you’re avoiding saying what you think, or offering your perspective, because you’re afraid that being who you are might create tension, then let yourself take a small risk. Start to find the path leads to being you – courageously.

DrK

If you'd like to know more about how to courageously be you in relationships, contact me at confidentconflict.com for a complimentary conversation!  
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