Finding Certainty in Conflict

The uncertainty of conflict is often what motivates us to avoid it. Perhaps this is something you’ve experienced.

Maybe you’ve been unsure of how the other person was going to ultimately react, or of where they would want to take the conversation. You may have been concerned about how the conflict would change your relationship. Perhaps you were aware of the confusion you felt in a conversation when that uncertainty started to take hold.

It is true, there's much in conflict that is uncertain, and you definitely do not have any control over how the other person is going to behave. What you do have complete jurisdiction over, however, is you. (You’ve probably heard that before.)

This fact can help you find a level of certainty in the midst of conflict because you already know things that are certain about yourself. 

You know what you value. You know your beliefs about engaging in relationships. You know how you want to be in this world.

Instead of staying stuck in the confusion of what you don’t know about outcomes, take time for self-reflection and consider what you do know about how you want to handle the conflict in your life.

Making the quality decision to behave in ways that matter to you – despite what’s happening with the other person – and staying focused on those goals, will serve to anchor you in the chaos.

Identifying the path you want to follow for your behaviors can clarify your choices.

In a quiet moment (when you’re not in the middle of a conflict), begin the journey by asking yourself two questions:

1)  What behavior will help me be most true to myself when I am in conflict? 

2)  What can I learn that will strengthen me in behaving this way?

As you become more clear – and convinced – about who you want to be in conflict, you’ll develop a confident certainty that will carry you through.

DrK

 

If you'd like to know more about how to discover the certainty within you, contact me at confidentconflict.com for a complimentary conversation!  
"12 Ways to Rule in Conflict" Free Download