Exploring Common Ground

I can hardly believe it’s August! Many schools are already into the new school year, and my county is starting back in one week! Where did the summer go?

Whether you have school-age children or not, the start of a school year still signals that summer playtime is over, and our world shifts to more structure and juggling more balls in the air.

Change is a major predictor of conflict. It can profoundly upset the carefully balanced mobile of your life, making you and the people around you susceptible to hot tempered flare-ups that can throw you off-kilter.

Happily, there is a quick way to find your footing when a skirmish ensues.

In evaluating conflicts, many mediation professionals begin their process by first identifying existing areas of agreement. They acknowledge there are issues, but they want to know what perspectives are shared, and where the point of disagreement first emerged.

You can do this too. Before jumping into a scuffle, take a few minutes to explore the possibilities of your common ground. Ask some questions first, such as

What do you want here that matters most to you?

            What are you seeing as an obstacle to that?

Internally check your response to see if you’re already on board with what they’re trying to achieve. 

Then ask yourself similar questions.

You might discover that you and others share goals and desires, but have different expectations of how to obtain them. Even if that’s not the case, this action will help you clarify the true issues, and give you a more effective starting point for your conversation.

It does require discipline to resist the temptation of immediately engaging in the conflict itself, but clearing away some misunderstanding right from the start will definitely make your efforts worthwhile.  

DrK

If you'd like to know more about how to explore common ground in conflict, contact me at confidentconflict.com for a complimentary conversation!  
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