Christmas In July

It seemed like everywhere I turned this past month, someone was doing a “Christmas in July” event. Hallmark, QVC, and other retailers were tugging on our Christmas heartstrings and offering great deals for early Christmas shopping.

It's made me think about Holiday conflicts, and what a good idea it is to get an early jump on handling them before they’re upon you. By that time, you’re so inundated with holiday activities, your goal is to just "get through” any tough situations and put off dealing with them until next year. Preparing for the conflicts in advance is smart, but typically, the motivation to do this is low.

Psychologists tell us one of the biggest obstacles to our taking action on something that needs attention is the lack of a sense of urgency. Feeling the reality of a situation is what actually motivates us to make changes; the further our brain is removed from that reality, the more complacent we feel. If it seems there is no bigger pain on the horizon, it’s easy to stay stuck in the status quo.

This is certainly true of relational conflicts. We simply don’t want to do anything about them unless they are happening in the present moment.

In his book Necessary Endings, Henry Cloud suggests it is up to us to create that sense of urgency for ourselves. “You have to make your mind and heart feel the reality today that is surely coming tomorrow,” he writes.

You must think of the realities of the situation, and feel what it will be like to keep dealing with those same issues year after year (and at every Holiday season).

This week, do a little “Christmas in July” thinking. Help yourself feel the painful ways you’re relationships are not working for you. Allow your brain to envision what it would be like for circumstances to be better – and the relief it would bring. Take the action to learn something now that will make your holiday relations more peaceful.

Create that sense of urgency for yourself so you can be proactive, and get ready to be in charge when the 2017 Holidays arrive!

DrK

If you'd like to know more about how to prepare for holiday conflict, contact me at confidentconflict.com for a complimentary conversation!  
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