More About First Steps:Taking the Risk

I have a new friend – I like her a lot.

We are working on an Orlando community project together and I'm enjoying getting to know her.

However, I am keenly aware I'm experiencing the conflict avoidance case I mentioned as #1 in my last post. I don’t want to do anything to cause friction between us when we’re working. I don’t want to disagree with her, and sometimes, I don’t want to give her my opinion if it’s different from hers. I want our interactions to only be positive. (How unrealistic is that?!)

The trouble is, I am also aware that I’m not being me.

When we avoid conflict in a relationship for reasons like this, we think we are fostering the growth of the relationship by keeping the peace; but the reality is, we are stunting its growth. If you are not authentically you when you connect with other people, it only creates false relationships. They think they're getting to know you, but they're not.

In my case, if being a caring friend to this woman is my desire, it’s more beneficial to her if I engage honestly, even if it makes waves. She deserves to know the real me. She needs to know that I do have opinions, and that I have something to offer our friendship. 

(From my 2016 ME calendar)

The consistent goal can’t be "favorable” interaction -- it needs to be “honest” interaction.

 I realize it’s hard to take the risk to be yourself if you think conflict will ensue. For example, I could think, “If I’m really me and we have disagreements, she might end our association when the project is over."

That could certainly happen (I do have my own sorrows from past experiences like this), but it is worth the risk to know the truth -- and maybe end up with a great new friend after all!

DrK

If you'd like to know more about being you in conflict, contact me at
confidentconflict.com
for a complimentary conversation.

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