The Here and Now

Cultivating mindfulness is a very popular topic these days. You’ve probably seen all kinds of books, quotations, and videos on how to do that, and on the benefits of staying in the present moment.

Conflict is a situation that contains a great pull for us to leave the present and shift to the past – often with gusto.

You might begin a conversation with an issue from the present, and you might even be able to stay in the moment for a while, but then when you feel you’re loosing ground, you bring out the big guns. You start talking about how the other person has hurt you in this way many times before, and you start firing off a well-nurtured list of all the related offenses they have committed.

And there you are again – stuck in the past. The power you sought was an illusion, and your words are useless.

Talking with someone about their current behavior, with the hope of a coming change, is a forward thinking conversation – it is future-focused. Actions you take toward that future are determined in the present. The past makes no contribution to this end. It is only a trap.

  

If you start to feel like your power is ebbing, you don’t need to bring up the past, you only need to stand your ground in the present moment.

You are the most powerful in the here and now.

Zero in on the goal of the present conversation and don’t be distracted. Resist going anywhere else with your thoughts. Remain intentional.

A little mindfulness doesn’t hurt either.

DrK
 

If you'd like to know more about how to hold on to the here and now in conflict, contact me at confidentconflict.com for a complimentary conversation!  
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