I've been a rower now for 13 years. One of my most significant rowing discoveries is that you never quite reach perfection with your stroke. (It's similar to life-long golfers -- they never stop working on their stroke either!)
This is because all of the other variables that surround you when you row are beyond your control. Things like the weather, the state of the water, or someone in your crew having an off-day, can affect your stroke at any given time.
So you practice in different situations and develop your ability to maneuver in many conditions. It is a state of continual learning.
Inexperienced rowers get discouraged about this when perfection is their goal. They expect to learn the techniques and then be finished with instruction. They don't understand how unrealistic this is. When they finally see that their target is not the perfect stroke but their own personal mastery as an oarsman, they become much more motivated.
This is how it is in dealing with conflict too. When you learn some conflict skills, but still have to execute them by trial and error, it can be discouraging. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It's because of those variables in the conflict that you cannot personally control (like that other person!).
What you can control though is you, and you can absolutely become more skillful at handling conflicts and can develop mastery over many of the situations you face.
Letting go of the expectation that you will conquer the conflict issues that plague you once and for all, and allowing yourself to focus on increasing your command of impacting the world around you, will not only keep you motivated, it means you will definitely reach your goals!
DrK
If you'd like to talk about conflict mastery, contact me at
confidentconflict.com for a complimentary conversation!
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