Conflict and Love (First Do No Harm)

Let’s face it, when it comes to being loving in conflict, it’s quite a challenge.

So many dynamics are at play, and the self-protective instincts that kick-in are strong. The thought of trying to feel love for the other person is far away from our minds.

We can’t just leave it at that though, especially because often our relational conflicts are with the people that we love. 

We can take heart, because there is a part of loving that we can make choices about in conflict – the decision to do no harm to the other person.

Yes, we might feel angry, disappointed, frustrated and impatient, but it is possible to feel those things without using harmful words or harmful actions. We can stay in control of ourselves . While we may not be feeling love, we can certainly make the quality decision that we will not mistreat, abuse, or wound the people in our lives.

While this may seem like a daunting task, remembering three things will help:

1.  Remember you’re talking to someone you know and love, and that you’ve decided not to harm them in difficult conversations.

2.  Remember the other person is someone who is also experiencing the instability of the conflict. If you can remain somewhat stable, you will also be helping them stabilize too. 

3.  Remember you have choices. If you feel emotionally threatened, you do not have to harm the other person, you only have to stand firm in the choices you want to make.

If you let the firm decision to first do no harm guide your actions, you will be able to channel your power toward what you truly want to accomplish.

DrK

If you'd like to know more about how to first do no harm in conflict, contact me at
confidentconflict.com for a complimentary conversation!
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