Conflict and Context (What Were You Thinking?)

Have you ever experienced being in a tense conversation with someone, then it takes an abrupt turn, and it feels like you are talking about two different things?

More often than not, it’s because you are coming at the issue from two different mindsets. You haven’t established the context of your conversation.  

Context refers to the surrounding circumstances that form the setting for your thoughts and perspectives. It plays a major role in understanding yourself and others. If you don’t know the context of the other person’s comments, you cannot fully understand what they are communicating. To be successful in your communication, you have to clarify the frame of reference -- both yours and theirs. 

For example, you are talking with your boss, with whom you have a very friendly relationship. You are relating to her as a friend. However, your boss is in the employer zone and thinking of you strictly as an employee.

 You are saying sentences that would fit in either context, but eventually, something will be said by one of you that doesn’t fit. This can cause confusion, offense, or conflict.

When you experience this realization that you are talking at cross-purposes with someone, let context be one of your first thoughts. Stop the conversation, and take a moment to clarify the background that is giving the meaning to your interaction.

Ask questions appropriate to the situation, such as:

Are we talking friend to friend here, or boss to employee?

Wait, is this about something I’ve done, or something you want to make happen?

Are you wanting to resolve this now, or do you just want to let me know what's on your mind?

Remembering about context will not only help with confusion, it will save you and those around you the time you'd spend going in the wrong direction.

DrK

If you'd like to know more about how to work with context in conflict, contact me at
confidentconflict.com for a complimentary conversation!

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