Conflict and Catastrophe (So What?)

When I began meeting with my doctoral committee about my dissertation topic, it was a challenging process. The standard for dissertations is high. You have to write about a subject that matters to academic readers.    

The conversation would go something like this: I would present the topic and my professor would say, “Why should I care about that?” I would give my answer, and then the prof would say, “So what?”

This would continue in some fashion until we had dissected the topic enough to get down to the essence of what was important about it. The rationale behind this scrutiny was to challenge my perspectives to the point where I could see the substance of what was truly important.

In conflict, it’s natural to go to a place of thinking that everything is critical – or catastrophic. Emotions are high and so many issues are involved. When you keep asking those questions though (Why should I care? So what? So . . ?), you can whittle things down to discover what truly concerns you.

 

In the grand scheme of things, there’ really isn’t much worth fighting about in your relationships, and your energies should be reserved for what is. Given a chance, you can probably figure out what is significant to you about a current dispute and discuss that more calmly.

When you’re involved in a relational conflict, take some time to reflect. Identify the catastrophic thinking that may be happening. Filter out the irrelevant parts, and get to the heart of the matter.  

You’ll find that when you do, the whole situation will become much more manageable!

DrK

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