Conflict and Boundaries (Staying In Your Lane)

Today I’m celebrating Gevvie Stone’s Silver Medal in the single sculls and the USA Women’s Eight Gold Medal Win in Olympic Rowing on Saturday!  Congratulations, Team USA!

Such a beautiful sight– those six boats heading down that race course. You wouldn't know to look at them what it takes to steer the boat in that straight line and stay in the designated lanes.

As I watched the aerial views of the boats (and, the bird’s eye view of all the swimming events), I saw those lanes and thought about how helpful it is to have buoys floating in the water to make the lanes clear to the athletes and give them some bearings. Then I thought – wouldn’t it be great if we had such clear lane designations in relationships!

 

Boundaries work is a major part of developing conflict skills. As confusion sets in and clarity is lost, it can be easy  to cross into each others lanes. Perhaps you take on a responsibility that isn't yours, or others start making choices for you that you’re supposed to make. You might even substitute their thinking for yours. 

  
The psychological term for this is enmeshment – when you get entangled relationally -- it's like swimming in each others lanes.
You've probably experienced this. Somehow in those conflict moments you lose sight of that line that tells you where the other person ends and you begin.
  

Clarifying boundaries – learning how to recognize them and to identify when they get crossed – can contribute to positive results in conflict. Skillfully maintaining the lines that help you function autonomously can produce a sense of self-control that leads to confidence.

Even if you’re not an athlete whose sport has clear lanes in which to compete, you do have a lane for living your life that is only yours. Finding a way to stay in it (and teach others how to keep out of it) will make it possible for you to steer a straight line in your life’s race.

DrK

If you'd like to know more about boundaries in conflict, contact me at
confidentconflict.com for a complimentary conversation!

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