Conflict and Position (Above And Not Beneath)

There's a lot of talk in the conflict world about position, particularly in the context of negotiation, but position can be a dynamic in everyday conversations too.

We feel it when we're talking with a supervisor, or instructor -- someone whose office ascribes authority to them. We may also feel it in our family, talking to our parents, or an Aunt. These kinds of positions seem natural and right to us, and in most cases, we are called upon to respect them.

There is another kind of position, however, of which we need to be aware. It is the sense of our own personal position as we move through this world -- the belief that we don't have to apologize for who we are, or for looking at life the way that we do.

In conversations (especially difficult ones), it's the difference between standing up straight and looking the other person in the eye, or cowering, and shrinking back from what we want.

Standing "Above" -- On Top of Ireland's Cliffs of Moher

Among the list of blessings God declares to his people in the Bible is the verse that says, "You shall be above only and not beneath" (Deuteronomy 28:13). I like those words; for me, they seem to be a succinct phrasing of the position I'm describing.

You don't have to believe in the Bible to consider this concept, for it is the dignity and worth of every human being that awards us this position -- a position to be recognized and respected as we speak with one another. Sometimes we get to feel this from others as we interact with them, but more often than not, it falls to us to be self-respecting in our behaviors.

The next time you are in a difficult conversation and become aware that your position is slipping from above to beneath, make the shift in your mind, and do what you need to reinstate it. Stand taller, raise your chin, speak with a firm, measured voice. (Remember to afford the other person this respect too!)

Be assured, regardless of any other type of positional dynamics that may be present, you are above only -- simply because you're you.

DrK

For more practical strategies on how to live above and not beneath, contact me at www.confidentconflict.com  and sign up for my offer with a complimentary session.