Conflict and Transformation (Do I Really Have To Change?)

Change is something that is always linked with conflict.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, one way these two things are related is in how conflict invariably results from a change in circumstances.

There is also another kind of change that is coupled with conflict, the change that happens to us personally as a result of experiencing the event.

We are all changed by conflict -- we can't escape it. It brings us the opportunity to either grow and become better people, or to become further entrenched in our destructive behaviors.

In studying conflict, I have learned that personal transformation is actually one of the most effective means of becoming more skillful at handling relational difficulties. When you change the way you participate, you change the conversation.

Improving your own perspectives and having personal strategies to put into action insure you are in a position to do conflict well. You become more adept by changing yourself instead of only knowing behavioral formulas. You are able to maneuver in all kinds of situations.

Most people don't really want to hear that the best thing they can do to be better at conflict is to change themselves. This is understandable, transformation work is definitely more challenging than following a list.

But if you truly would like to become a Jedi in handling your conflict moments, opening your heart and mind to new perspectives and new skills -- being a different you -- will bring changes that will last. Changes that will move you toward mastery.

DrK