Conflict, Image and Family (oh my!)

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People in families tend to assign specific characteristics to one another, especially as the family is developing. We hear it all the time: "she's the baby," "he's the cut-up," "he's the serious one," "she's the ringleader." Before too long, we become aware of the image our family has assigned to us -- one that we may or may not like -- and we find that we continue to labor with that image in the family dynamics through out the years. We either enjoy being seen that way, or we are constantly trying to break out of it.

An extention of this occurs in conflict too. I'm sure you've experienced the moment when you realize the other person in the conflict has settled on how they want to view you. They fix that image in their mind and, more often than not, have a very hard time letting any new information you're trying to give them alter that image.

Of course, we have to notice we do the same thing to other people too, and have just as difficult a time allowing ourselves to see them in a different light.

Although you may feel like a salmon swimming upstream during the interaction, the trick is not to allow the assignments of others dictate how you behave. If you want them to see you differently, understand that your behaviors must line up with your values and purposes -- and that you must be consistent in those behaviors.

Being successful in overcoming what has been ascribed to you is certainly a challenge. What matters most is being convinced of the truth about yourself and determining what image you want to accept as you participate in your relationships. 

Conflict (and family) dynamics are pretty complex, but if we have our facts straight, we can find a clear picture of what we believe as we deal with them -- and hopefully cultivate the willingness to change our images of others too!

DrK