Conflict and Authority (Who's The Boss?)

If you've spent any time around little children at play, you know that when one of them starts to get too pushy, another child finally says, "You're not the boss of me!"

Children learn at a very young age there is someone who exercises control over how they behave. They are very clear about who that is (generally their parents), and they are not willing to give that authority to anyone else.

As we grow into adulthood, the developmental task for all of us is to move from the child's perspective of "someone else is the boss of me," to I am the boss of me." We learn to shift the location of the control of our actions from someone external to us to our own inward authority.

Generally, this development of what psychologists call "personal authority" goes relatively well. When conflict starts happening though, we often find ourselves in an adult conversation with a person who becomes like that pushy child, telling us what to do, and challenging the jurisdiction we have over our actions.

Do you sometimes lose sight of the fact that you are the authority for your life? (Or maybe you're the pushy one!)

When you feel this happening, be as convinced as that little child at play about to whom the authority belongs. Remember that you are the boss of you -- you have executive power -- and stay in charge of your choices.

As Pema Chodron writes, "You are the sky. Everything else -- it's just the weather."

DrK

If you'd like to learn more about developing your personal authority, contact me at www.confidentconflict.com or on Facebook