Many people think that having confidence in a conflict means you are convinced of your power over the other person, or at least, of your ability to stubbornly outlast others in holding your position.
However, that's not quite true. It's actually a false sense of confidence, and is only circumstantial. It ebbs and flows depending on who that other person is.
True confidence is present in you in every difficult conflict situation. It is the confidence which comes from a place of inward security -- being secure in the belief that you have choices in the situation, that your desires and goals are of equal validity, and that you have jurisdiction over your own life.
Psychological research has shown that when your sense of empowerment comes from this internal locale, you are more able to maneuver when conflict curve balls come your way -- or to recover when one has it you! The focus of developing internal strength equips you to let go of measuring your power by your aggressive abilities (or stones in your bag) and act from a position of authentic stability.
Not only that, but when you are strong within yourself, you are liberated to further engage in the conversation, listen to the other person, and think through solutions more peacefully.
So when you discover an area of weakness in your conflict interactions, instead of looking for another stone you can throw, explore the weakness internally and build it up with true confidence.
DrK
If you'd like some help figuring out how to develop true confidence, contact me at
confidentconflict.com for a complimentary conversation!
"12 Ways to Rule in Conflict" Free Download
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