Conflict and Expectations (Road Blocks)

There's a lot of road construction going on in Orlando right now, especially on the main arteries like the Interstate and toll roads.

 There are lane closures, blocked exits, and lots of signs like this.

As you would imagine, these things thwart us drivers from our routine routes. It's not quite as bad when we already know about the closures, but when we encounter unexpected road blocks, frustration mounts.

This is often what is happening at the very beginning of an interpersonal conflict too. You are moving along a path you believe will get you to something you want, but then another person in your life (boss, spouse, retail merchant) does something that blocks your plans.

Maybe they say that's not how they want to get a project done, or they can't help you until the next day, (or no, you can't return that merchandise, there are rules!), and you suddenly feel very frustrated from what seems to be a lack of cooperation on their part.

Then what usually happens?  Both people start pushing harder to try to get where they're going -- and that leads to conflict.

The frustration comes largely from having the expectation that things will go the way you'd pictured them, but other people behave from their own desires and expectations.

Instead of pushing harder, take a step back and make a positive change in the energy.

When you run into those road block moments with someone, and frustration starts to rise,

• Realize you have simply hit a reminder that you aren't all alone in the world and you don't live in a vacuum (you have temporarily forgotten this!)
• Enlarge your perspective (zoom out), loosen your grip on your expectation of doing something "your way." Make room for the other person's wishes and needs as you view the situation.

After all, they are simply living their lives too  -- and are most likely beginning to see you as their road block! 

DrK

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