In Pursuit of Peace

I am a textbook middle child. I was born between a dynamic, talented, first-born and a fun-loving, darling, baby of the family.  According to birth order theory, middle children have peacemaking tendencies, and I certainly do.

What I’ve had to learn though is that peacemaking in relationships is not peace-at-all-cost.  If we subscribe to this view – “I must sacrifice whatever I have to in order to make peace with this person” – we need to understand that the price is too high.

The truth is peace at all costs is not peace.  It is acquiescence under duress, a tentative armistice, appeasement.  It is not genuine peace.

Genuine peace is acceptance of another. Genuine peace involves both people.  Peace at all costs takes you out of the equation, and in the end, leaves you feeling disappointed, hurt, and unheard – there is no peace within you.  Besides, when we rescue others (or even ourselves) from facing the hard work that peace requires, we soon realize we have to perform the rescue over and over again.

Peace at all costs comes from a place of weakness.  Genuine peace comes from strength – compassionate strength.

Peace is more than resolving a conflict. Even if disagreements are settled, peace may not be present.  Peace requires more of us. It calls us to be at rest about the situation -- in our own hearts and toward others -- to hold no grudges.  We can arrive at solutions, but peace needs pursuit.  It demands our every effort in the quest.

There is much we can do as individuals to bring peace into the situations of our lives through the decisions we make about our own behaviors and attitudes – and the good news is we have complete authority over all these decisions. The words of the old song that say, “let peace on earth begin with me” are really pretty accurate. We truly can be a great influence for peace in both our encounters with others, and within ourselves.

It is this hope that compels us to keep moving forward in our pursuit.  When we do, we learn some things about our own capacities for compassionate strength, and no matter what our birth order is, sometimes we discover the surprise of peacemaking tendencies too. 

DrK

If you'd like to talk more about pursuing peace, contact me at www.confidentconflict.com