Conflict and Failure (Not In My Vocabulary)

Recently I've been doing some volunteer coaching at an Orlando career advancement program and the coaches and participants have been required to take a personality test. One of the multiple choice questions was, "Failure is . . ." followed by a couple of definitions.

My reaction when I saw the question was that neither one of the definitions worked for me. In fact, the more I thought about it, I realized I had no definition for "failure," the word wasn't even in my vocabulary! To me, the word failure communicates a sense of finality that I'm just not willing to accept.

Yes, I realize we do things that don't measure up, we institute ideas that don't work, we enter relationships and discover we can't sustain them.

In my mind though, those situations don't mean failure. To me, it usually indicates I wasn't sufficiently equipped for the task, or my expectations weren't realistic, or I didn't understand my limitations.

My response is to see it as simply life unfolding, to learn from it, and to try again-- only this time, another way.

This perspective is valuable when it comes to having tough conversations that create conflict. It's easy to feel that sense of failure when it doesn't go well, when we walk away feeling like we didn't achieve what we wanted. We forget human interactions are complex, and it takes time to find ways to be successful in them.

When those conversations go awry though, it's not failure, it's feedback; it's guidance. The situation told you what worked, what didn't, and what you need to develop next.

So try this thinking on for size. When failure starts to creep into your emotions, remember that whatever the situation is, it's not over yet . . . and practice, practice, practice!

DrK

If you'd like some help with removing 'failure' from your vocabulary too, contact me at confidentconflict.com  and let's talk!
"12 Ways to Rule in Conflict"