Conflict and Results (Movement is Progress)

Whenever I have a really good day, I always think, "How did I do that?" and then I wonder, "How can I do that again?"

It's encouraging when something seems to work for us; we start to feel the pull of what we can do to bring about those desired results again.

When it comes to relational issues, we don't really like having the same fight over and over, (even though it seems that's what we do). So when we discover something that works for us in conflict, we feel the same pull in that arena too.

Women employ me for conflict development coaching because the way they have been handling their relational difficulties is no longer working for them, and they are becoming aware of new desires they would like to pursue. They want to feel more control in the midst of the chaos, they want to feel they can positively influence the situation, they want to engage in conflict more powerfully as themselves.

Coming up with a new game plan and employing new personal strategies changes their experience of conflict, and they see the positive difference it makes as they interact with others.

But what about those desired results? How do we measure our success in this effort. In talking about human behavior, we need a different measuring stick.
 
When the focus of change is on you -- on your being different in the situation -- then any improvement, any positive difference you make is a successful result. If you remain calm five minutes longer, if you stay in the conversation one time without cutting the other person off or walking away, if you listen for one more clue about how the other person's feeling (or even spend a moment caring about them when you usually don't!), you have been successful.

If this is you, if you're trying to be better in a particular situation right now, trying to do something differently, remember, movement is progress. Think about former behaviors, then think about something new you are doing now. Realize that is a result -- a happy success -- and try to do it again!

DrK

If you'd like to discuss some desired results of your own, contact me at www.confidentconflict.com -- I'll be glad to hear from you!